


these scars and souvenirs

by mostlikelydefinentlymad



Category: Captain America (Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Post-Canon, First Time, Fluff and Mush, Happy Ending, M/M, Mild Smut, No Angst, Post-Recovery Bucky Barnes, Post-Serum Steve Rogers, Touch-Starved
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-14
Updated: 2016-10-14
Packaged: 2018-08-22 10:49:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,342
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8283182
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mostlikelydefinentlymad/pseuds/mostlikelydefinentlymad
Summary: There are all these words between them, heavy with decades of silence. They are whispered against skin. Here, in this Brooklyn apartment, they don't have to be Captain America and James Barnes. There is no need for masks and patriotic speeches, no one to question their motives for doing everything they had to do back when shooting a man in combat was something you never talked about.





	

**Author's Note:**

> the dust on the floor  
> piled up from the years  
> all these scars and souvenirs

They touch and seventy years melt away like every solid drop of ice that once tugged them in opposite directions.

 

Steve remembers watching Bucky button up his Sunday best, from the corner of his eye, and thinking, "I love him." It was 1932 and Bucky spread out over his heart like the sunset breaking through the horizon; everywhere at once. True, he had no experience in matters of the heart back then but he knew what he wanted and could never have. By 1941 he'd given up on ever replacing Bucky with a beautiful dame. They showed no interest in Steve and the feeling was mutual.

And then he'd met Peggy. He'd completely missed the parallels between his best girl and his best friend, how easily they mirrored one another. But, looking back now he can clearly see that the little guy from Brooklyn was steadfastly holding onto his pride when it came to wanting Bucky. God he was hopelessly in love with both of them and stupidly assumed he could have that happiness. In the end, he'd followed Bucky down and willingly sacrificed everything he'd worked so hard to have. For decades after, he was hailed as a hero and it made him sick to hold that awful truth inside: _I died for love._

 

But they are here now, together. The final chapter.

"Missed this," Bucky murmurs as he presses a thumb to the scar under Steve's bottom lip. It's the one surviving relic of a past that only he and Bucky are privy to. When Steve was eight he'd tripped and smacked his mouth on the sidewalk. His buck teeth had bitten straight through and left a nice bleeding gash. Bucky shook his head and threw an arm over Steve's shoulders. By the time they'd made it to Sarah Rogers apartment, Bucky's new shirt was stained with crimson blotches. She'd immediately told him where to find a roll of gauze and tubes of cream and he'd taken up the task without complaint. After Steve was stitched up, he'd apologized for messing up Bucky's shirt but his best pal had shrugged it off and said, "Still got your teeth though, right?" It's a fond memory that Steve kept buried inside of him for years after coming out of the ice. For the longest time he was nothing but hollow and memories.

"Still got my teeth," Steve murmurs with a crooked grin. He wants to live inside of this moment.

Bucky brushes his lips over the scar and it feels like a promise: _I remember you; scrawny kid from Brooklyn. I promise I'll never forget._

There are all these words between them, heavy with decades of silence. They are whispered against skin. Here, in this Brooklyn apartment, they don't have to be Captain America and James Barnes. There is no need for masks and patriotic speeches, no one to question their motives for doing everything they had to do back when shooting a man in combat was something you never talked about.

Steve tugs Bucky's t-shirt over his head and drinks in what he'd spent too many years sneaking peeks of. The thick scars surrounding his left arm are the strongest _I love you this much_ that Steve has ever saw. They're proof of how hard Bucky Barnes had loved Steve Rogers when the world had only saw Captain America.

He traces the path with his fingertips and Bucky shutters. "You don't," he begins.

"Shhh," Steve whispers as he trails light kisses over them. They're two men out of their own time with bodies that hold lifetimes of pain, history. There's nothing ugly about how they survived up to this point. Steve is taking back this part of Bucky and turning unbelievable suffering into an art that he can touch. You won't see this in the Smithsonian and that's just as well; this masterpiece is for his eyes only.

"God, Steve," Bucky says. He wraps both arms around Steve and pulls him into a slow, deep kiss that says _Thank you for loving me, for always always loving me even when I didn't deserve it._

Outside, rain begins to slide down the windows and tap against the panes. It's fitting that the first time they touch like this should be accompanied by a cleansing rain. They are being reborn into this world once more only they are not tossed into it coldly, no. They're Rogers and Barnes as they should be: together.

Steve peels his shirt off and tosses it on the floor. Seventy years of skin hunger can starve a man and he needs this, they both do. Bucky skims his hands over each rib and it nearly hurts being touched like this; gentle as the night, knowing they wasted so much time.

 

" 'member when you fractured this one?"

Steve's skin tingles under the cool metal of Bucky's fingers. He does remember. He'd taken a hard swing to the left rib after witnessing an older kid laughing at a shorter boy with freckles. They'd called the boy a fairy and taunted him ruthlessly. Steve had thrown himself into the fight without a second thought and just barely made it out alive. Bucky had rounded the corner and effortlessly broke the bullies arm. When he'd heard why Steve was fighting, he'd hugged him close. They hadn't discussed why afterward but it felt like their friendship had turned a very important corner.

"That guy had it coming."

Bucky leaves a kiss there and smiles against it. "Yeah I guess he did."

It makes sense now, why Bucky had responded so passionately. At a time where he was throwing himself at girls left and right, he'd been fighting back the same feelings as Steve. They'd hidden it well, with quick longing glances and sad smiles when the other wasn't looking. If they'd known then...

 

Bucky tugs down Steve's jeans a few inches and kisses a hipbone that once protruded. His body is healthier now and muscular where it was willowy but Bucky touches him as though nothing has changed. He is slow and careful in his movements; the precision of the Winter soldier mixed with decades of Bucky Barnes undying adoration.

"Remember...Opal Mc' Donal?"

Bucky meets Steve's eyes and grins. "That girl was crazy over you."

She was a rarity indeed. She'd liked Steve without an ulterior motive and even let him kiss her cheek a few times. In truth, she'd been a catch but he'd purposely let her go. Bucky had rolled his eyes and muttered about Steve being a bachelor for the rest of his days. What neither had said was this: _She wasn't you. [Don't ever do that again, my heart can't take it. I'll set you up with a better dame next time. Maybe one that isn't so fond of artists.]_

"Y'know why I ended it?"

Steve winds his fingers through long brunette hair and stares into those big blue eyes. No, he thinks, she wasn't you.

"Why?"

"Had something better."

Bucky blinks. "What do you mean?"

"It felt wrong. Like I was steppin' out on you even though we weren't...we were never..."

He'd considered Bucky _his_ since the first punch he'd swung in Steve's defense. Sometimes that feeling morphed into jealousy but he did his best to reign it in. It was unrealistic to expect Brooklyn's darling to not put himself out there and take the ladies out dancing but that didn't make it hurt any less. He didn't like sharing Bucky, never had. 

Bucky's eyes soften and he crawls up Steve's body to press their lips together. This kiss is different than the rest; it isn't fueled by lust or anything carnal. It's pure _need._ It's nothing more than closed lips as they breathe one another in.

"Never liked her for that same reason," Bucky chuckles. 

Ridiculous is a word that comes to mind when he thinks of how blind they'd both been.

Steve nips at Bucky's earlobe gently, "You're wearing too many clothes."

 

Pants and socks litter the floor as seventy years of ice melts.

**Author's Note:**

> title is "by the way" by theory of a deadman and I highly recommend it. I mean:
> 
> it's sad to say that  
> this pain is killing me inside  
> but it's time to say  
> that this pain is keeping me alive  
> twisting and turning  
> it rips through my heart  
> it's been tearing me apart
> 
> it's so very stucky though not for this fic, not that part


End file.
